i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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