you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize