there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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