meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
