Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
