Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
