I bet he comes in French.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
