Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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