This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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