Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
