Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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