first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
