Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
