i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
