the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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