i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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