Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
3pm strippers are depressing
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
