Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
