I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
