After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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