I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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