my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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