This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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