okay pat passed out under dana's car
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
