make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
