I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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