Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
