No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize