There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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