i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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