Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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