This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
