Will you blow on my dice?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You ruined the universe
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
