pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
