my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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