Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
