So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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