there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
honey bunches of taint.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
