Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
