You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm both gender and math confused
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
