I want to stick my p in your. b.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
