Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
