Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
