the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Semen is not good for contacts.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize