He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
