life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
this hospital has no fireball
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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