Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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