i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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