sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
