Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She even gives head with a lisp.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize