Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
