Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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