Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
