Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize