i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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