Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
