just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
