My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
