god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Randomize
