Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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