(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
