Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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