I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
