I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
