just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
