Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So many bounce houses so little time
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
