My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize