I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
