Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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