Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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