I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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