No awkward lesbian experiences without me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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