I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
