Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
