google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
