He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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