I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
