Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
