would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
