i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you are never too drunk for berry picking
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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