that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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