Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We named our party play list daddy issues
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize