The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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