i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
