You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
