She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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