Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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