I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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