I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
