Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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