There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
