just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize