Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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