my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
