I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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