He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I love you. Go after that dick
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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