i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A bitchslap is in order.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
